Question Marks about a tiny/humongous subject

I'm wondering what it would feel like...
Would I first have baby fever?  
I didn't, but it does help that the majority of my friends nearby don't have babies. I did want to hold and smell newborns (mmmmm!) but not necessarily keep it always

Would I hold my breath and anticipate conceiving?
We weren't "trying" but weren't "preventing" either. It was always in the back of my mind as a "this COULD happen" type of thing.

Would it just happen and stop my heart when I realized?
When I got that positive I about fainted and really didn't want to go into work that day. I was a mess. My head was spinning, my heart was outta control, my hands were shaking and I cried.

When would it seem real?
Definitely the moment you see that little person on the big screen. I bet it will feel more and more 'real' when I can feel Baby ultimate punch me in the ribs. I don't look much different, but I have all kinds of symptoms so I do know it's happening...but there are lots of times in the day where I actually forget I'm growing a person.

Would I be more excited or more scared?
At the moment, I'm pretty terrified. I even cried last night thinking how my life is going to be SOOO different. That there is only one way outta this...and that is for this to come outta me! My life will never ever ever never be the same. That's pretty overwhelming.

Would  feel totally out of control of my body?
Yes. It sucks. I have this weird battle with food at the moment. I want it so bad, but the smell/taste/texture/amount gets to me. I'm not a big eater anyway, so there are times where I actually feel guilty that I'm even sneaking snacks all the time. I'm a weirdy I know.

Would I feel trapped?
This question was probably the funniest and hardest one for me to answer.
Funniest: I'm not the one who is trapped, Baby is trapped!
Hardest: Trapped physically? mentally? emotionally? future-wise? yes to all. 

Would I be happy to share my space with another heartbeat?
Seeing it flutter on the screen and realizing your body created that heartbeat, well, you'd be more than happy to share a space. That was probably the most special moment, to see a little heart that will always be a part of yours...that was pretty incredible.

Would I cry all the time, or glow instead?
Right now, definitely cry. I cry about every other day and usually about the dumbest things. I hear the 2nd trimester is when the "glow" comes in :) Maybe I'll feel more pregnant then...

What would you do?
When I get especially stressed/terrified/scared that Baby won't:
like me
like Mister more than me
grow up to be a jerk/bully/meanyhead
sleep through the night. ever.
play nice
forgive me for making lots of mistakes
love himself/herself
 
and that Baby will/would:
struggle
cry because the world is a wretched ugly sad place
get picked on
become a bully 
not be happy
turn into a druggie/bully/skanky hoe bag etc.

and then I think of that little person saying to me "Why does life have to be so hard?"
and my response will be "But life has a lot of good parts too." 
and I think of all life's 'good parts' and I feel better. 
I also think of that little person saying, "Don't worry Mom, you're doing a good job." with a cute baby 'thumbs up' when I'm feeling especially inadequate. 
Thanks for the verbal high five Baby.



 
Ashley, enlighten me...

Feel enlightened? ;) 
loves.